Salvations
by loveisadream
Summary: He was there when I needed him. He never let me sink to far. But not even I could see how he let himself fall. DARKER THEMES not being updated
1. No Matter What

I _need you right here, by my side_  
_You're everything I'm not in my life._  
_We're indestructible, we are untouchable_  
_Nothing can take us down tonight_  
_You are so beautiful, it should be criminal_  
_That you could be mine._

_And we will make it out alive_  
_I'll promise you this love will never die!_

_No matter what, I got your back_  
_I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that_  
_I swear to God that in the bitter end_  
_We're gonna be the last ones standing_

_So believe me when I say, you're the one_  
_They'll never forgive us for the things we've done_

_And we will make it out alive_  
_I'll promise you this love will never die!_

_No matter what, I got your back_  
_I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that_  
_I swear to God that in the bitter end_  
_We're gonna be the last ones standing_  
_We'll never fall, we'll never fade_  
_I'll promise you forever and my soul today_  
_No matter what until the bitter end_  
_We're gonna be the last ones standing_

_And everybody said that we would never last,_  
_And if they saw us now I bet they'd take it back_  
_It doesn't matter what we do or what we say_  
_'Cause nothing matters anyway!_

_No matter what, I got your back_  
_I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that_  
_I swear to God that in the bitter end_  
_We're gonna be the last ones standing_  
_We'll never fall (We'll never fall)_  
_We'll never fade (We'll never fade)_  
_No matter what until the bitter end_  
_We're gonna be the last ones standing  
- No Matter What by Papa Roach_


	2. Hate me

_I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head  
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed  
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone  
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home  
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain  
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
And will you never try to reach me?  
It is I that wanted space_

_Hate me today_  
_Hate me tomorrow_  
_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_  
_Yeah ways hard to swallow_  
_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with_  
_The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again_  
_In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night_  
_While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight_  
_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate_  
_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take_  
_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind_  
_And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

_Hate me today_  
_Hate me tomorrow_  
_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_  
_Yeah ways hard to swallow_  
_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave_  
_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made_  
_And like a baby boy I never was a man_  
_Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand_  
_And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"_  
_Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be_  
_And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

_Hate me today_  
_Hate me tomorrow_  
_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

_Hate me in ways_  
_Yeah ways hard to swallow_  
_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_  
_For you_  
_For you_  
_For you_

_- Hate me by Blue October_

**_So I'm not search how many people are gonna find this story since it is still VERY new, unlike my other story The Donor where I started it one year, completely restarted it almost 2 years later and some people were already waiting for a new update. But I have high hopes for this story anyways and I hope you guys like it:)_**

I always knew my mom would do something, she was too flighty by nature and too binded here. She was going to do something to get free. She was in a too small cage and she was a tiger, pacing back and forth as much as possible. Ready to bite. I thought of many things my mother might do, take some 'underground' activities, drugs and alcohol, cheating...

I had to consider cheating cause that was a very possible one. Though I expected her to cheat. I didn't know when. But how could she do _that_. Get married to another man? When she already had a 17 year old daughter at home and a eagerly awaiting husband? I didn't expect it to that degree, I thought maybe she'd been doing it for a few years but obviously she's been doing a little something else.

And of all people she had to marry _Phil, _the town crazie who was convinced he was going to become a little league baseball star and is going to be travelling all over the country. "Just you wait" he would say as he walked around the sports shop he owns, that sat next to Newton's Oylimpic Outfitters. We all knew though that he dream of being a minor league baseball star would never happen. He couldn't hit the ball with my damn truck in his hands.

We found that particular piece of information out when a teenager tried stealing something from the store. In the middle of the day. Phil grabbed his bat and tried hitting him but ended up hitting himself and effectively knocking himself out and the kid getting away. Yeah, nobody particularly wanted him in this town but no one had the guts to kick him out and I guess somebody did..

That brings us to my poor father, Charlie. He was much like me, or maybe it was I was much like him. Brown hair, brown eyes, introverted, not saying much. The oppisite of Renee. Brown hair, blue eyes, flightly, and anything but introverted. Anything that passed through her head it was coming out of her lips before she could even finish the thought.

Going fishing every weekend with his friends from the Rez, Billy(who I'm still suprised is alive.. what is he? like 80?) and then Billy's son, Jacob who is like 45 and married to Leah and they have a son named Seth. He was a little younger then me and was a cute kid. Then being the Chief Police Officer he, you coud say, had a busy life. And add all the games he didn't have much time to do what Renee wanted. Another thing to make her act rash.

I, on the other hand was the loner. With only one friend I didn't say much in class and confided my boring life into the willing ears of Angela Weber. She, unlike me had a boyfriend. Ben Cheney. Cute I guess, not my type though. I was the straight A student which gave my dad pride. My mom, well she was more upset that I wasn't going to the latest parties Mike was throwing.

School was boring, nothing happened. Well except lately. With the news of my mom's betrayl out and the appearence of new kid. There was a lot of buzz, to say the least. I haven't seen him yet, he's supposed to be coming for his first day tomorrow. Apparently he's god worthy according to Jessica Stanley who claims she saw him checking her out when she was at the grocery store.

I didn't belive her though. I was pulled out of my long string of musings to find that I was still sitting across from Phil and Renee, Charlie sitting next to me. "so what do we propose?" Renee said excidetely, gripping Phil's hand and looking around with eager eyes. I wanted to propose a lot of things. How could she just drop me and Charlie. Her husband and daughter? Of 17 years and more. I didn't understand it. I didn't say anything though and neither did Charlie. Each of us glaring at the people who sat across from us, eager to move on with their lives and forget about us.

"so you don't mind if me and Philly dear move to Florida? I hear they have-" I couldn't take this anymore and I could see Charlie was closing down. I stood up abruptly, my chair falling down. "what the hell" I growled. Renee looked at me startled. "we-" I cut her off with the wave of my hand. "who do you think you fucking are! You have been married to Charlie for over 2 _decades _and I'm your kid! Yeah forget about me? Nice to meet you I'm Bella fucking Swan." I took a deep breath, my lungs screamed for it.

"How could you just drop us when you find some cracker jack that entertains you! Fuck. You. Bitch" Clearing my throat I looked around to see if my message got across and was pleased to find several shocked faces. I picked up my chair and daintly sat down with my fingers wrapped up in eachother I looked around expectantly, tapping my foot.

Charlie cleared his throat and looked around the table nervously, his beady brown eyes scanning everybodies faces. Searching for reactions. He cleared his throat again and I was left wondering whether he had something in his throat or he just wasn't satisfied with Renee's blank stares. After a few blinks she turned to a waiting Charlie and raised a eyebrow.

"I have to agree with Bella." he took a pause before continuing. "you've been my wife for almost 3 decades, her mother for almost 2 and you just decide to marry another guy? Why?" he said in a gruff voice. She rolled her eyes "because you two are so alike and you both are so _boring. _Philly here is exciting, he's always talking about something or doing something. And frankly.. He's young" I scoffed at the part she added. "so what are you? The new town cougar?" She sighed in exasperation.

"no I'm not going to be a cougar. We're moving to Jacksonville. There's plenty of attractive women my age-" another scoff and a snide comment about her age which recieved a glare. "As I was saying.. There's plenty of attractive women my age who live in Jackonsville who are dating younger guys. I wouldn't be the town cougar" she smiled proudly. "so what? Is this whole move about repuation?" I snapped, she shook her head "Forks is so boring! Jacksonville is exciting" I rolled my eyes as she plainly states that she needs a thrill.

"you two may leave. Renee pack your stuff" Charlie grunted, I bit back a proud smirk. Renee huffed but said nothing as she stood up. Patting down her skirt and picking off some imaginary lint she turned to me "will you be a dear and help me Isabella?" I held back a comment about _Philly Dear. _Nodding I stood up and followed her to the master bedroom. We made our way to the dresser and she pulled open 3 drawers. We pulled out articles of clothing and began folding them into 2 large suitcases.

"I didn't want you guys to find out like this" she whispered. "well how would you prefer it" I said sarcastically. "I was hoping you two would be more accepting about this" I froze. "accepting? You want us to welcome the fact that you're abandoning us cause you need some thrill in your life. Ride a fucking rollarcoaster that'll give you a thrill. Not marrying the town crazie!"

Her blue eyes pulled sharply to mine, fury seeping out of them. She zipped up the last suitcase and stalked over to me. "why can't you just fucking accept that Phil makes me happy. Not you two" I felt tears pricking at my eyes "why can't you be happy with us" I yelled. Suddenly I felt something slam across my cheek and I was forced to take a step back. Holding a hand to my cheek, tears running down my face I stared at my mom. Her hand was still up in the air, she was breathing heavily. Panting.

"I hate you" I whispered. "what?" she asked, eyebrow raised, slowly putting her hand down. "I said.. I FUCKING HATE YOU" I screamed. Another slap. I fell to the floor and leaned down next to my ear "I hate you to" and with that she grabbed her stuff. That was the last time I ever saw her.

* * *

After Renee had left I managed to crawl to my room and throw myself on my bed where I cried for a hour or two before falling asleep. I was woken up later that evening by a distraught Charlie. "Bella...Bella...Bella" he shook me, seemingly barely choking out my name. I cracked open my eyes "there's something I want you to see" I nodded with a groan, just wanting to sleep for I was emotionally exhausted.

We walked downstairs and he pointed to the tv. "the plane flight 245 crashed before it reached it's designated airport." The scene changed from a reporter to a video of a fire ridden plane. "there are no survivers" I turned to my dad confused "wha-" and it hit me. "that was the plane your mother was on" Charlie whispered. I nodded, numb and went back up to my room.

I fell on my bed and cried some more. My only thought being _the last thing we said to eachother was I hate you._

I wasn't the only one who fell asleep crying last night in the Swan household.


	3. Counting Stars

_Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin  
Apologize for all my sins  
All the things I should have said to you  
Hey, I can't make it go away  
Over and over in my brain again  
All the things I should have said to you_

_Counting stars wishing I was okay_  
_Crashing down was my biggest mistake_  
_I never ever ever meant to hurt you_  
_I only did what I had to_  
_Counting stars again_

_Hey, I'll take this day by day by day_  
_Under the covers I'm okay I guess_  
_Life's too short and i feel small_

_Counting stars again_  
_Counting stars again_  
_Counting stars again_  
_Counting stars again_  
_Counting stars again_

_- Counting Stars by SugarCult_

I woke up later that morning to the blaring sound of my clock, sighing I slam it off and slowly roll out of my bed. Wincing as my vision goes white and I loose my sense of balance. I wobble around for a few seconds before everything goes back to normal. I grab a towel on the way out of my room and go to the bathroom.

I strip down and wait for the shower to get to the desired temperature before stepping in. I shave my legs as the strawberry shampoo sets in my hair. I wash out my hair and put in the conditioner as I rub my body with soap. Once all rinsed off I turn off the shower and step out. I wrap myself in the towel and wring my hair before placing it in a messy bun.

I wash my face and brush my teeth before going back to my room. I was finally able to be pulled from my thoughtless, zombie like state when I start picking out a outfit and happen to grab a shirt Renee had bought me. My eyes water and I bite my lip to hold back a sob. I push the thought away and dress in things I bought when Renee wasn't around.

I look in the mirror to find my cheek slightly bruised in the shape of a hand. I sigh and rub foundation on the mark to hide it. Next I put on mascara and stare at myself in the mirror. I didn't have much of Renee's, her stature and maybe a few facial features.. But the rest was Charlie. I couldn't decide whether or not I was gratefull for that. Where I wouldn't have to stare in the mirror and be constantly reminded of her, I may forget.

I look at the clock and see it's time to go. I grab my bag and walk down the stairs, Charlie is in his room doing god knows what. The station gave him a few days off to grieve. I get in my truck, jumping when it roars to life and began the drive to school. When I pull into the parking lot, there arn't many people there yet, I can see Angela's car though so I make my way towards it. On the way to her car I see a car I've never seen here before. A shiney Volvo. I then dully remember that there's a new student today.

I walk over to where Angela stood and leaned against her car. "so I saw the new kid today. And Jessica was totally right on him being hot." to amuse her I asked her what he looked like. With that she gasped and rattled off some description of gold like hair, bright green eyes and lickable features. I wondered briefly if it was just the new kid that was causing Angela to talk more like a subdued Lauren then the quiet natured Angela.

I was gratefull when we split, unable to handle the amount of like she had seemingly grown accustomed to saying. I made it to my locker without any nasty encounters gratefully and grabbed all my books for the first few hours. I made my first way to English and sat in my desk. I opened my notebook and started to doodle and write random words, not really paying attention to what I wrote. I thought about my mom's last night alive. _Last _night.

_Her blue eyes pulled sharply to mine, fury seeping out of them. She zipped up the last suitcase and stalked over to me. "why can't you just fucking accept that Phil makes me happy. Not you two" I felt tears pricking at my eyes "why can't you be happy with us" I yelled. Suddenly I felt something slam across my cheek and I was forced to take a step back. Holding a hand to my cheek, tears running down my face I stared at my mom. Her hand was still up in the air, she was breathing heavily. Panting._

_"I hate you" I whispered. "what?" she asked, eyebrow raised, slowly putting her hand down. "I said.. I FUCKING HATE YOU" I screamed. Another slap. I fell to the floor and leaned down next to my ear "I hate you to" and with that she grabbed her stuff._

I zoned back in when somebody sat next to me. I looked down at what I had wrote. There were a few random words like _death _or _flames _and even _birds. _Then I had drown flames shooting up my paper and in it.. I wrote what had happened that night. _Last night. _

I suddenly realized that no one was supposed to sit in the desk next to mine. It was supposed to be empty. I looked from the corner of my eye to see a guy sitting there, who I immediately concluded to be the new guy. He must be smart if he was in my English. I didn't say much but all I could think was. _No Angela, bronze, not gold._

I shaded in the flames, making them seem more real, the way I see them, and maybe the way my mom saw them before she burned to death. I could hear the guy shuffle beside me and rip some paper before scribbling on it. He shoved it over to me and I didn't glance at him before slowly opening it up. _are you_ _ok?_ It said in a smooth clean script. I was instantly jealous due to my chicken scratch writing.

I then looked up at him, he was staring at me. Lickable features, bronze hair, beatiful green eyes and all. Suddenly I had the urge to tell him everything, I wanted him to know everything. Maybe it was the way his green eyes poured into mine that made me feel like I could tell him anything and he would stay there, and just take it all in. I shook my head. His eyebrows furrowed. "why" he whispered. Or maybe it was the way he spoke to me.

I ripped a piece of paper and scratched down my response. _my mom's plane crashed last night and she died._I passed the note to him and watched as his face grew sad. _I'm sorry to pry, but there's more you're holding back._How could he read me so well? Already? I nodded and wrote more. _And the last thing we said to eachother was I hate you._I shoved the note towards him, angry at myself for letting myself say I hated her. I wasn't angry at Edward for prying, no I was grateful.

He didn't say anything, he just held my hand, small tingles shooting up my fingers. He knew exactly what I needed. And for that I was forever grateful to him.

* * *

The rest of the morning passed quickly and I was stuck in the thought of the new kid. How I wanted to hug him, kiss him, open up to him, have him open up to me. All such beautiful thoughts to me. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and was more then suprised when I ran into something. It was hard and warm... and seemingly full of electricity. The new kid. I felt one of his arms go around my waist and press me to him as I started to fall backwards.

I looked up at him "hey" I whispered. "hey" He replied back, a small crooked smile playing on his lips. How I wanted to be that smile. "what's your next class?" he asked. "biology with Banner" his smile grew. "same, do you mind walking with me?" I shook my head, and was happy when his arm kept at my waist. I couldn't help but snuggle into it the tiniest bit. It was so warm and so tingly. He smelled so good. We walked into Banner's and new boy was directed to the seat beside mine. "so I don't know your name" I finally asked. He smiled and responded "Edward"

I nodded thoughtfully. _Edward. Edward. Edward. _"Edward" I finally tested out. I nodded, liking the way it felt against my tongue. "and I think it's fair to ask what your name is" he continued. I flashed him a smile "Isabella, but everyone calls me Bella" he nodded and did the same as me. I wondered if he repeated my name in his head, like I had done.. And hadn't stopped.. _Edward. Edward. Edward._

Banner started the lecture and a piece of paper was pushed into my elbow. I knew it was from Edward and eagerly opened it. A bunch of questions were written in that beautiful scrawl that I love so much. I answered each and every question before handing it back. Questions asking of my birthday, favorite things, etc.

This continued all through-out class, each of us grinning like fools. The bell rang and I felt like I knew every little thing that made Edward, Edward. I walked out of school that day with Edward's number clutched in my hands. I smiled all day, on the car ride home, and until i got home. Then it hit me. My mom was dead. And Edward didn't make me forget that, he just distracted me enough that I could open up to him and accept it, but not to the point where I spent my whole day dwelling on it.

How he did it, I don't know. But he wasn't here now. No matter how much I wanted him to. I fell on my bed crying. Crying for my mom's unfortunate death, for our last words, and for the fact Edward wasn't here to hold my hand.

_**it seems they have a very odd relationship dont they? *raises eyebrow* yes well that is very necessary if the story is going to turn out like how I had planned. hope you enjoyed reading this :)**_


	4. I'm Sorry

_I painted a picture of you,  
your soul was red and your mind was blue.  
Destiny laid a light on my creation.  
This dream I had made a slave of my passion,  
reality was always too far away._

_And we were happy until it came too close one day._  
_Suddenly I faced the truth of my dream,_  
_my love had only been a picture, a scene._  
_I suppose I needed to believe,_  
_didn't want to see you had never been close to me._

_And I'm sorry,_  
_this illusion has caused you a lot of pain._  
_And I have no solution,_  
_I'll try to never be back again._

_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_

_I painted a picture of you._  
_My dream was a lie and the lie became truth._  
_Reality held his breath too long._  
_It's disgusting what dreams can do to you._

_And I'm sorry,_  
_this illusion has caused you a lot of pain._  
_And I have no solution,_  
_I'll try to never be back again._

_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_  
_I'm sorry_

_- I'm sorrry by Evergrey  
_

I woke up the next morning to still find Charlie locked up in his room, I frowned. _Maybe he's planning the funeral and wants to be alone. _With that I nodded and went back to my room. I get dressed in some black skinny jeans and a red top and hightops. Deciding not to shower today and leave my hair natural. I couldn't wait to leave this house.

She still lingered here, with all our unresolved issues and anger I could still feel her. Maybe it was just me going crazy but I felt it. And then there was my dad, who I haven't seen since that night. I guess I should be worried but I couldn't find it in me to be anxious over his wellbeing. He was a grown man and I was a teenage girl, shouldn't he be the one worrying about me?

I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. I wonder briefly when the last time Charlie had eaten but shrug it off. That was his own damn problem. I quickly eat a granola bar that was due to expire in a few days. I grabbed my bag and opened the door to leave, breathing in the fresh hair. "oh" I mutter as I realize I forget keys. I go back and realize that something stunk, I didn't realize it before cause I probably slept with the smell and got use to it.

Having a few minutes before I had to go I decided to investigate. I check every room, even mine, saving Charlie's for last. I could tell the smell came from his room. I take a deep breath, preparing to find a Charlie who hadn't showered in a few days. I slowly open the door and stared when I didn't only find a stinky Charlie. But a dead one.

I could barely notice the pulsating stank that rotated throughout the room. I didn't need to check if he was dead, the color of his skin and the bullet wound through his head proved it. I see a note on the bed and I shuffle to it, grabbing it before running out of the room and the house, slamming the door. I climb into my truck, not even jumping when it sputtered to life. I couldn't look at the note. Not yet.

The drive to school was very.. tense. I sat very still and didn't make a peep, unable to let it set in that Charlie had killed himself. Leaving me on my own. I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn't scream at a dead body, I couldn't curse at his grave, he didn't have one. All which complicated matters for me greatly. I was gratefull to get out of my truck when I got to school. The air in it suffocating, even with the windows open.

I carefully fold the note and slip it into my back pocket, unable to look at it yet. I looked around the parking lot, searching for Edward. Sighing when I didn't see him I walked over to Angela, extremely disappointed. What if he was sick? He would have texted... He didn't seem sick yesterday. I chew on my lip as Angela quietly talks about a test she has to take tomorrow, seeming to have lost her Lauren attitude from yesterday.

"Mrs. Brown said she'd grade the tests by tomorrow." I froze, "wait, Mrs. Brown's class had a test yesterday?" Angela nodded slowly. "yeah... All of her classes did" Had I been so lost in a haze of death and Edward I didn't even notice when we had a test? I groaned, knowing my test scores would show my lack of attention span yesterday. I made my way to English, suddenly excited with the thought of seeing Edward. _Edward. Edward. Edward._

I sat in my desk and not-so-paitently waited for him to arrive. He was still new so I wouldn't get mad if he got lost, maybe a little frustrated though.. It's not like we have some huge school. He got in his desk just before the bell went off. I ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook. _Wanna go somewhere after school? There's something that's bugging me.._ I slid the note to him and the response was almost immediate. _I can tell something is, follow me in your car when school ends. _I sent him a nod to show him I understand.

I could feel the note burning a hole in my skin, how I didn't want to see what it read but god how I know I had to. It would be easier if Edward was there though. School went by exceptionally slow, not counting the two classes that I had with Edward. I wasn't suprised to find Edward had the Volvo I saw the first day and quickly as my truck would go, I followed him.

We ended up on a deserted road surronded by woods, if it had been ANYONE else I would have been worried for my safety but I wasn't with Edward. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. We both get out of our cars, turning off the engines and stand next to eachother. He grabbed my hand and then we slowly walked into the woods, a bag he didn't have before on his back.

The woods weren't dark but they did have limited lighting due to the tree's being so close together, eventually the tree's start to break adn we come upon a small pond. The water crystal clear and you could see small fish swimming in it. Lily pads dotted the surface and large colorful dragon flies rested their wings while sitting on them. There was a small rickety dock that we stood on.

"it's beautiful" I whispered, he nodded in response. We slowly sat down and Edward pulled me into his warmth. "I found my dad dead this morning..." I continued with the soft voice from earlier. He tightened his grip on me. "I found this note next to him on his bed." I pulled out the note that had been burning me all through-out the day.

"want to read it together?" he asked softly, I nodded. He had known why I brought this to him. I slowly pulled open the folded letter and began reading aloud.

_Bells,  
if you've found this letter you have found my body. I'm sorry you had to see that but I couldn't live without your mother, even if it was just knowing the fact that she was happy. I didn't want it to end this way but it did. Funeral plans for me and your mother, my will, and my planned arrangements for you until you turn 18 are in my top dresser drawer. I have only two wishes for you Bells, to do whatever makes you happy, and to please not hate me. I tried to validate my actions by saying you would be unhappy living with me, I would be depressed, I would drink, and you would be forced to do whatever I couldn't. I of course, do not know if that would actually happen but it was the only way I could take myself. With the thought of you happy.  
I left something also for the man that will steal your heart, I don't know who he is but I know he will love you unconditionally. For you deserve to be. I don't know what he likes or what he does but I offer this as a peace offering with him. And let him know that on your first date with him I will be cleaning my gun up in the clouds, waiting for him to screw up. _

_I love you. Charlie._

By the end of the letter I had tears rolling down my cheeks. "he loved you" he said after a few minutes, I nodded. "I love him" he nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "too much?" I knew what he meant. He was asking if the pain was too much, it was like I could understand everything he said. I nodded. He pulled around his backpack and pulled out a medium sized bottle of vodka. He passed it to me.

I stared at the bottle, this had been my first time drinking. I put the bottle to my lips, tipped my head and let it flow into my mouth. It burned. It tasted like nail polish remover. I winced as I swallowed and choked a little on it before passing it to Edward. This continued until we were both drunk, whispering and giggling nonsense to each other. We fell asleep on the dock.

_**so their unhealthy relationship begins :) tell me what you thought of Charlie's letter!**_


	5. Hurt

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything_

_What have I become?_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know_  
_Goes away in the end_  
_You could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

_I wear this crown of shit_  
_Upon my liar's chair_  
_Full of broken thoughts_  
_I cannot repair_  
_Beneath the stains of time_  
_The feelings disappear_  
_You are someone else_  
_I am still right here_

_What have I become?_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know_  
_Goes away in the end_

_You could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_  
_If I could start again_  
_A million miles away_  
_I would keep myself_  
_I would find a way_

_-hurt by Nine Inch Nails_

I didn't want to go back home, it wasn't even home. With my dad's dead body in there, the stench of the pain he left, memories of my last few moments of mom. My head pounded and my stomach rolled violently in its confinements. I snuggled closer into Edward's hard stomach, breathing in his smell and sighing in relief as I forget for those few mere seconds.

His arm that was wrapped around my waist goes tighter and pulls me up to look into his open green eyes. He kisses my nose and I nuzzle myself into his neck. "I had a dream" I looked up at him curiously, slightly suprised by his sudden comment. He stood up and held out his arms, I slowly reached up and wrapped my hand around his awaiting ones.

He pulled me up and I flew into his chest. "in my dream we were at this dock" He said softly, "and I held you like this" his arms went around me and I was held tightly. "and me like this" my arms creeped up his chest and wound themselves together around his neck. "and we danced... like this" he began to sway us back and forth and I looked up at him. "you stared at me like that" he continued.

I swallowed roughly, remembering a time when Charlie and Renee did this kind of stuff. A tear slid down my cheek and one of his arms unwrapped itself from me and wiped away the stray tear. "don't cry" he whispered. I nodded, unable to speak in fear of a gruff voice. We danced for awhile and then laid down. Our stomachs growled and I giggled at Edward's loud rumble.

"the deck shook with that one" I giggled. He scowled playfully at me "what'd you say" He growled making me laugh harder "it... sho-sho-shook.. the" he threw his leg over me and began to tickle me furiously. He finally stopped when I had begun to turn blue. We sat on the dock for a little longer before standing up and walking back to our cars.

"want to go back to your house and gather you're stuff?" I shook my head furiously. He sighed and stood next to me, kissing my hair "you have to go at some point. Might as well get it over with sooner" I echoed his sigh and nodded, I had to go at some point "ok" I whispered. "... but will you come with me?" I didn't want to go in there alone. He agreed and we were on our way.

We stopped infront of the house and stared at it for a few minutes before we both got out of our cars. Edward walked over to me and grabbed my hand, rubbing soothing circles on it. "we can go whenever you're ready" I took a deep breath and start walking towards the house, Edward following close behind me. I stood infront of the front door for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not I should really go in there.

Edward put his hand ontop of mine and the weight turned the knob, I pushed the door open and was immediately hit by the smell of death. I choked on air and Edward coughed violently. When we finally got used to it we gathered our wits and continued into the house. It all looked the same from when I had left and I concluded no one had figured out about his death yet, other then me and Edward.

I walk quickly through the house, eager to grab my stuff and get out as fast as possible. I run past his room and into my room, grabbing the first bag I see I begin to stuff clothes into it, not paying attention to what. I grab my favorite books and once finished go downstairs to where Edward is waiting. He's staring at a picture from when I was 5.

I was hanging from one of Charlie's arms with a large grin on my face and my long brown hair pulled into pigtails. Charlie has his other arm around Renee and they both are smiling large. It was a time when we were happy. "you were cute" He said, still tracing the picture with his finger. I managed a smirk "were?" he smiled at me "ok you still are" I smirk at him "I know"

I grabbed the picture and put it in my bag, looking around I realized there was nothing left for me here. I turn to Edward and give him a grimace. "I have to go into Charlie's room" his eyebrows furrowed. "why?" I sighed "his funeral plans, will, and planned arrangements for me are in his dresser" his eyes went wide "do you want me to go for you?" I shook my head. I had to do it.

I walk slowly up the stairs, Edward still watching me from down below. I slowly turn to his door and stare at the door knob, I wrab my hand around the knob and twist it. I closed my eye lids and took a deep breath. Once the door was pushed open the smell was 100 times worse. I choked on the air and my eyes burned from the contamination.

I shielded my eyes from where I knew my father lay, dead. I ran to his dresser, pulled up each drawer and pushed through everything. I finally found 3 envelopes. 2 were pretty full, 1 almost bursting and the other one you could tell there was only one thing in it. I walked out of his room, back straight, tears pricking at my eyes. "goodbye" I whispered as I closed the door behind me.

I walked to Edward, he sent me a look that asked if I was ok. I nodded and smiled at him, he sent me a grin back. We walked to his car and sat on the hood. "which one should we open?" he looked at me, the question seemingly reflected in his eyes. "the small one" I said, pulling it out from the pile. _Isabella_ was written formally on the front and I immediately scowled at the use of my full name but knew it must be important.

I slipped my finger in and ripped it, pulling out whatever it contained. There was a letter and a locklet that I hadn't noticed before, I bit back a sob when I realized it was my mom's.

_Isabella,  
Stop scowling at your name and continue reading. So by now you should have reported a death unless you have somehow been to distracted to bring your father some peace. Hopefully you have grabbed everything else I have required. You can open the will with a lawyer, and the funeral arrangements with a funeral director. In this letter though, I have your planned arrangements. Only one person could have guessed my actions and will take you in for as long as needed without question. Billy would take you in but with his old age I worry so I'm sending you to Jacob's till you're at least 18, then you can leave as you please and no one will hold you back. Hand him this note and he will know what to do.  
I love you, Charlie_

I sighed at the prospect of staying at Jacob's and with his over eager son, Seth. I had heard they were soon to have another baby boy, any day now. That made me sigh deeper at the thought of having a new born in the house. I turned to Edward, he was rereading the note. I buried myself into his neck and his arms went around me. "what do you want to do?" he asked curiously, anybody else would have thought he was talking about Jacob's but I knew he wasn't.

I pondered this for a second "movies?" he smiled and nodded "Ted?" he asked eagerly. I giggled "if they even play R rated movies" he chuckled at the prospect of our small movie theater that seated 50 at most playing something other then "Disney". But he nodded and we got into our respective cars and made our way to the movie theater.

We arrived and parked in the small parking lot. I grabbed Edward's hand and we walked in. At the front there was Oliver, some Sophmore. "two for Ted" Edward said and they quickly exchanged money for tickets. We got popcorn and twizzlers and found the room where Ted was playing. There were 10 faded red seats that were at some point made of good felt but quickly were faded and stained. We choose a spot closer to the back and lay back and relax as the movie starts.

We leave the movie in hysterics, reciting our favorite parts. We lean against Edward's car as we catch our breath, once caught Edward turns to me. Looking quite nervous. "Bella?" I turned to him, growing nervous myself. "yeah?" I swallowed deeply. "do you want to meet my family" I let out the breath I was holding in and smiled. "I'd love to"

**_sorry it took me so long to update and to have a shorter chapter at that. I was busy till wenesday, then had no motivation to write at all and to add to it all... I cannot just listen to a Framing Hanley music video, I have to watch it.. and I'm slightly addicted to them and cannot stop listening to the. Lol. _**


	6. I am a Rock

_A winter's day_  
_In a deep and dark December;_  
_I am alone,_  
_Gazing from my window to the streets below_  
_On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow._  
_I am a rock,_  
_I am an island._

_I've built walls,_  
_A fortress deep and mighty,_  
_That none may penetrate._  
_I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain._  
_It's laughter and it's loving I disdain._  
_I am a rock,_  
_I am an island._

_Don't talk of love,_  
_But I've heard the words before;_  
_It's sleeping in my memory._  
_I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died._  
_If I never loved I never would have cried._  
_I am a rock,_  
_I am an island._

_I have my books_  
_And my poetry to protect me;_  
_I am shielded in my armor,_  
_Hiding in my room, safe within my womb._  
_I touch no one and no one touches me._  
_I am a rock,_  
_I am an island._

_And a rock feels no pain;_  
_And an island never cries.  
- I am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel_

Of course I was nervous to meet Edward's family. I had barely heard of the 5 of them except in passing during our conversations. I could name all of them from the descriptions he's given me so I had no fear of messing that up. But the thought of them not liking me has me frozen. We pull up Edward's long winding driveway which led to his house. I wouldn't have been able to find his house if I had been driving on my own, it was so deep and secluded in the forest.

It was a beautiful Victorian that no doubt could hold the 6 people that lived in there, and comfortably house a few guests. We stepped out of our cars and I admired all the windows, the thought of how they were all cleaned briefly passed my mind but my attention was turned to Edward when he softly grabbed my hand. "ready?" he asked with a dashing smile. I swallowed deeply and gave a short nod.

We walk up the driveway, gravel crunching under our feet and step up the wooden stairs and to the door. Edward, grips the knob and slowly opens the door, sound suddenly bursting through. "sound proof" he muttered, I didn't quite understand why they needed to go to such measures when they were so far into the woods. But I didn't comment. I shot Edward a nervous smile and turned back to the doorway to find 3 grinning faces staring back. The triplets. You could easily tell they were triplets from their blond hair to their striking blue eyes.

There were two girls and one boy. The girls, from what Edward had told me, were identical and had formed in the same womb. Their features were the same for the most part, hair a matching platinum blond, and ice blue eye's that held a certain mischievousness. One of the girls, who's hair rolled down her back in subtle waves stuck out her hand. "Rosalie but you can just call me Rose" her smirk made me smile. I shook her hand "Isabella but you can just call me Bella" her smirk grew, "oh I know. Dear brother here isn't good with secrets"

I sent a look to Edward, who's cheeks were slightly tinged with pink. Deciding not to give him grief I turned back to the triplets. "Jasper but just call me Jazz" I looked at the boy, his curly blond hair fell into his eyes which he clearly didn't like do to his huffing. It was the last one's turn. "Tanya" she stated happily. "But you can call me whatever you want... Except for T-rex" she shot a irritated look to a pleased Jasper. After the meet-and-greet with the, who I later learned, 14 year olds we went up to his room.

Apparently avoiding the rents' who would've "hounded us into hell". Edward's words. I sat on his bed and looked around his room. A large book shelf was on one wall, loaded with CD's and books. There was a wall full of windows that had me awe-struck as I stared out into the forest. His bed was in the middle with black and gold accented sheets, a very expensive sound system was tucked safetly into a corner. Overall, I decided it was very Edward and that I liked it.

I laid on his bed, snuggling into the sheets, breathing in his scent unbashfully. I felt him lay down next to me and looked up at him. He was staring at me and I couldn't help but stare back into those beautiful green orbs. We hadn't realized we were leaning closer and closer to eachother till he was a mere few inchs away. I became aware music was playing in the background and had concluded Edward turned it on while I was sniffing his sheets.

My eyes flickered back and forth between his lips and his eyes and found myself grow slightly aroused when I saw him doing the same. I bit my lip as he licked his. Closer and closer we leaned till only we were only a breath's away. His warm minty breath brushed past my awaiting lips, he swallowed and we both closed our eyes as his lips softly enclosed around mine.

Back and forth, give and take. Softly and slowly we kissed, just enjoying the moment. I felt his tongue slowly peak out and prod my lips, dragging itself against my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I let out a breathy sigh as our tongues met and grazed against eachother. It was no fiery dance. Or a fight for dominence. We had plently of those to come, but for now our tongues slowly tangled as did our limbs.

I heard something in the background but paid no attention to it, pushing it off as the music. Right now I was laying slightly ontop of Edward with one hand on his neck, playing and tangling itself in his hair. And the other gripping his bicep as his hand massages my thigh and gently holds my hip. The sound continues but neither of us bother to pull away from eachother.

I moan as his hand goes farther up. Only did we pull apart when we heard a screech. We quickly pulled apart to find Tanya, who frankly looked a little disgusted. I hoped it was cause she saw her older brother making out, and didn't think of me as a whore. She pulled herself together and pulled at her shirt. "dinner's ready" she turned around but sent a look over her shoulder "and put a red bandana on the door knob if you're gonig to be doing that. Give a little warning sheesh"

We both blushed furiously as we quickly fixed ourselves up.

We walked down the stairs and I found myself growing nervous yet again. I bit on my lip furiously till Edward pulled my poor lip out from my vicious teeth. I sent him a grateful smile, I didn't want him to be kissing chewed up lips. Such a turn on. Not. With his hand on my lower back he led me to the dining room where trips sat eagerly waiting for food. I could hear two voices in the kitchen and knew it was his parents.

I stood, unsure where to sit and surely looked like a bumbling idiot. I felt somebody behind me and turned around to find a dashing man with blond hair and ice blue eyes. He smiled warmly at me and I realized though his eyes looked like ice that held a warmth to them. "and you must be Bella, I'm Edward's dad Carlisle Cullen." I shook the hand that he held out. "it's nice to meet you Mr. Cullen" he shook his head and sent me a playful, disapproving look. "please call me Carlisle." I nodded.

Behind him stood a petite women who obviously gave Edward his looks. Bronze hair curled delicately at the ends and bright green eyes held a motherly light to them. She pulled me into a hug "I'm Mrs. Cullen but don't even bother calling me that old name, it's Esme" she smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. She quickly sat me down across from Edward.

Carlisle sat at one end while on the left side I sat farthest from him, Tanya next to me and Rose next to Tanya. Making Rose sitting closest. On the right Esme sat closest to Carlisle, Edward oppisite from me and Jasper in the middle. Spagetti and meatballs with toasted garlic bread was served and I tried my hardest not to look like a pig as I shoved the food into my mouth.

Questions were kept casual for which I was grateful. When dinner was finished I offered to help Esme with the dishes, though she refused I ultimately won. She washed and I dried. She asked me carefully of my intentions with Edward and I choked up a little at the fact Charlie would never say those words to Edward. Once I was ready I responded "to be what he needs" I eventually said, whispering "everything he needs" under my breath.

We finished quickly and I was left to my own devices that thorougly included Edward. We found ourselves in Edward's room and in a comprimising situation. I was settled on his lap, hands tangled in his hair, furiously making out with him. One of his hands massaged my breast while the other gripped my hip and moved me slightly, causing me to grind against him. We both moaned as we were hit in the right spot.

He flipped us over so I laid on the bed with him hovering above me. He pulled away for a second as our hands slipped into eachothers pants, ready to take control of eachothers arousal. I nodded and we both dove in. I gasped as his cool hands hit my hot, dripping pussy. I slowly gripped his cock in my hand and rubbed slowly up and down, applying different amounts of pressure in just the right spots.

I moaned as he thrusted a finger into me, pumping in and out while playing with my clit. All this with the fact our mouthes were still firmly attached we both came quickly. We cleaned ourselves up and cuddled on the bed together, passing a flask back and forth eachother. Talking about anything, everything and nothing. "I want to move away from Washington" I sighed, after taking a large gulp from the flask. I had long since felt the burn.

"to where" he muttered around the nozzle. "I want to see..." I pondered this for awhile. What _did _I want to see? "..everything" I settled for. He chuckled at my meek response but didn't commented. This continued until we fell asleep in eachother's arms, the flask empty and long forgotten.

* * *

We woke up that morning in the same position as we fell asleep last night, indicating a restful and peaceful sleep. I was suprised his parents hadn't come in demanding that I left but I decided not to push my luck. I quietly waited for Edward to awaken and bided my time by tracing his features and contours. His eyelids fluttered open about 20 minutes later.

We cuddled for a little before our stomachs decided to come alive and demand that they be fed. We both chuckled to ourselves as we lead ourselves downstairs. I wasn't sure what day it was but if we had school today I had a feeling we wouldn't be going. Nobody was home and we helped ourselves to a bowl of cheerios and some toast. I sipped at my skim milk while Edward gulped down his Apple juice. I giggled as he choked a little for drinking to fast. He sent me a smile.

We finished eating and cleaned up, deciding to lounge around for a little. We watched tv for a little, Edward laying on the couch with me aligned ontop of him. He softly played with my hair. "I think we should report your dad's death today.. and get your stuff to Jacob's" he suggested carefully. I nodded, knowing it needed to be done at some point. We laid there for a little longer and soon I found a phone in my hand. I was nervous, they would be able to tell he had been rotting away for a few days and would question why I hand't reported it immideatly. Edward coaxed me to dial the number though.

"this is Forks police station. Please state your emergency" A females voice stated, I gulped. "death" I whispered. The women hummed sympathetically "cause of death?" I licked my lips. "suicide" a gasp "and who may I ask is calling?" pause.. "Isabella Swan" another pause "the police will be at your house as soon as possible" she just attomatically knew and I didn't question it. I turned to Edward and buried my head into his chest. He kissed my hair.

"let's go to your house for the police" I nodded. We somehow ended up at my house before the police got there. The police arrived, I answered their questions and they took out the body. They told me how sorry they were and I even answered the dreaded question of why did you wait. The police were now gone, the crowd had dispersed and I was packing. Edward sat on my bed next to my bags, not wanting to get in my way. The letters were clutched in his hands and I kept sending nervous glances to them.

Once packed we shoved everything into our cars and drove to the Rez. I stood outside Jacob's red door and raised my hand to knock. A swift knock got their attention to the door and it was opened to reveal the slowly aging Jacob. "Hey Bella! What brings you on this side?" I sent a empty smile and gave him the letters. Edward grabbed my hand as we were let in. Jacob sat on the couch in the smallish living room. Thankfully there was no Seth to disrupt. I didn't bother asking where he was.

Jacob read the letters quickly several times. He wiped at his eyes every now and then. He looked up at me, red surronding his brown irises. "I'm so sorry Bella, you're welcome to stay here as long as needed" This smile was a grateful smile. Edward squeezed my hand and I smiled up at him.

_**So I did update! This one is a bit longer by several hundred words, it's quite packed don't you think? Also I don't think I mentioned Edward's last name was Cullen but if I did say Masen somewhere could you tell me?**_


	7. Authors note

_so long time no see? to the extreme. I am so so so sorry for not updating but my computer is being a shit head and it has been impossible to go on the internet. I'm currently on my aunt's computer but I wont be updating. I know; I hate it when updates are just notes and not an actual chapter but I will not be continuing Salvations for awhile, at least until I get my computer up and running again. I dont know when that will be but hopefully soon. Also school has just started(not even two weeks ago) and I've already had 3 projects due. It's been sort of overwhelming and has contained boring teachers and even more long and boring packets. Homework has been taking me over 2 hours a night to finish and I am just complaining right now but it's ridiculous! I'm only a freshman!_

_so until I'm able to update you will not be hearing from me! goodbye! Au revior! (i'm in french hehe :) )_


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